Here are some of the things that kept us busy...
Friday morning I woke up with a huge huge prayer in my heart. (more on this later) Grandpa Jojo drove Lillian to school and Steven ran Elliott to school. Then Jackson and I dropped Steven off at work. We came home moved car seats into Steven's car and took off for the gym. Where I had a glorious swim. I love swimming, I can think about everything and nothing all at the same time. The weather was beautiful but the pool was cold. So I swam fast. Only had time for a half of a mile, quickly showered, picked up Jackson from the Children's play center and drove to my Auntie's house. My grandmother lives with my Aunt and Uncle now that she is over ninety years old. They take care of her around the clock and while she is still very smart and witty, shes beginning to have moments of dementia. My Aunt warned me that Grandma might beg me to take her to Idaho, where she grew up. Grandmother was very quite during our visit. Jackson warmed up to his crowd after a donut and was his charming self. He used to snuggle all the time with my grandmother last year.
This year he will have nothing to do with snuggles when he is over there, he wants to explore, dance, or make us all laugh from his goofiness. After grandmother got tired I said my goodbyes and drove to pick up Lillian. Jackson fell asleep like he does everyday I pick up Lillian. I got there a few minute early. Texted my friend to conform she was picking up Elliott for me and then anxiously checked my email. I had not the courage to do so prior.
You see this morning, at 4 am in morning, one of the most amazing woman I know went down to UCLA medical center for brain surgery. She had two prior scheduled surgeries but both had been postponed last minute. Which I can only imagine the frustration and pure emotional exhaustion that put her and her family through.
Flash back to over two years ago... a new family moved in our ward. I first meet them at the beach. After getting to know her a little, I called her out of total desperation/ inspiration one September evening. I need someone to child swap with me and her name popped into my mind. My other friend who is a trooper and had done it with me for years had her child entering kindergarten and wouldn't need to swap because she would have hours and hours of free time on her hands. I nervously purposed my swapping ideas. She agreed immediately and offered we started that week. A life saver. At the time I was doing the banking for my father at his store and he depended on me to get change and run other errands. Some of is was busy work, but I need the money to send Elliott to preschool and got to hang out with my dad and grandmother, who worked at the store 6 days a week until she was 88 years old! Plus it gave me 3 kid free hours every other week that got me changed out of my sweatpants and put make up on.
So the swapping began. Lillian and Lilyout (or the Lili as we called them) became fast friends at the age of 22 months. My friend was pregnant with her second and I was pregnant with Jackson. We switched off and would meet for park dates and other outings. After having her second child I watch her daughter a few times and as shocked when less than a month after giving birth she wanted Lillian to come play. Lillian has always been very active and loved going over to their house for tea parties and dress up parties. Lillian also learned to be gentle from helping out with Lily's baby. Lillian would just sit and pet the baby's head while she ate, slept or swung. She loves babies.
(I am writing this more for me to look back on really now aren't I)
Jackson was born six month later and that's when I finally admitted to myself something was wrong with Lillian. A month later after her first hearing test we discover Lillian is hard of hearing. By some charts or graphs she can be considered deaf. I cried a little. My friends all stepped up and watched Jackson and Lillian if needed while I visited with drs, schools, and made appointments for Lillian.
My dear sweet friend never, not once treated, looked at or talked to Lillian differently. While I struggled watching other people's fears or miss understandings keep them away from interacting with Lillian, she did not miss a beat. Lillian was the same child, we just knew now we needed to get her attention differently.
She's helped me search my house or park for Lillian's hearing aids those first few weeks when Lillian took them out. Her daughter's have both listened to Lillian's hearing aids and think her pink ear molds are the coolest. They have even though fits that they want ones like them :-)
Our babies will turn two this year! How time flies. She's watched Jackson for Lillian's weekly appointments with speech therapy. She is a trooper. Always happy upbeat and up for an adventure. Her home is always entertaining friends, missionaries, family, and her homemaking stills are off the chart.
This September she went into her eye doctor, he noticed something was not right and referred her to another doctor. One MRI later (I watched her kids- I think) She and her husband are facing the news that she has brain cancer. They keep it to themselves for a little while. Then Steven found out one evening while visiting and was sworn to secrecy. Steven came home in tears and told me my friend needed cookies. He respected their wishes and did not tell me a word of what was going on. Now I know what is better than cookies, dinner bought over by friend with dessert. So the next day I text her and drop off dinner. She pauses for a moment like she is about to tell me, but it just doesn't come out. The next week I see Steven more distraught when on the phone. We hang out and act like life is normal. Steven keeps asking me if we have 'talked', not yet I tell him and he rolls his eyes. Woman. We can talk all day about everything and nothing at all. I pray she has diabetes. (strange I know. She had been having nausea spells and it was the worst thing I could think of that is manageable)
Later that week calls me back as I was leaving. So I guess your wondering whats going on with me. I give her a chance to leave me in the dark longer. I don't need to know. Her kids and my kids play great together and I don't mind watching hers at all. They entertain mine kids really. Plus, I owe her, from all the weeks of Lillian's therapy. She jokes about how odd I must think it that her and husband keep going on these midweek outings without her kids. Then her voice fills with emotion and she tells me she has a brain tumor. My jaw hits the floor. I choke back tears, give her a hug and wanted to scream NOOO your to young, you are healthy, your kids are too young, this can't happen. Instead I try to hid my shock, fear and freaking out. I tell her I will be here for her and anything she needs anytime.
My mother gave me a book a few weeks ago titled "how to be a friend to a friend who is sick" and the author a breast cancer patient clearly points out how people react to reviving the news that your friend is sick is huge. Its like your friend has to deal with the shock, horror and fear of the diagnosis all over again in slow motion through watching you freak out. Opps.
Mean while she busies to keep herself busy. Being busy with life helped her through I am sure what was a very scary time as they waited for appointments and heard more and more bad news.
Her doctor's in Oxnard were very pessimistic about treatment and her returning to health. It turns out the mini nausea spells she had were mini strokes.
Her brother in law sent out an email to our church group after a few weeks. Asking to give the her family privacy, prayers and silent support. I was picking up Elliott the day the email came out. Everyone can running to me crying. I was grateful my friend had headed to LA to visit her parents. I simple told them what I knew and begged them to keep things 'normal' for our friend. Park dates, Play dates, girls night outs etc. I prayed they wouldn't go asking her a million questions opening up the wounds again and again.
After much prayer and fasting done as our Church unit. She and her husband meet with doctors at UCLA. These professionals gave them hope and game plan for kicking this cancer out the door. This was in November. Two surgery dates later... it is January and she was in surgery. I read the emails. Two hours to prep, hours in surgery, she is woke up to see if her brain is handling the operation(I think that is why) at noon those are the updates I read, she is still in surgery. I pray again and again. For her, her family and for her surgeons and medical team.
I take Lillian and Jackson to wash Steven car. We eat lunch and the babysitter comes over. I kiss them and leave for my meeting with the school district about Lillian. It's called an Individualized Education Plan )IEP. It is about the services that Lillian gets and our goals for her this year. Steven had to work so I went nervously alone. I brought green and red grapes to share with our team. Normally I make cookies but it was hot almost eighty degrees and who wants to eat cookies in January?
Meeting went well, we left it as with a TBA having not come to a conclusion about many items.
I drive towards Steven's work. Get gas. Pick up some wraps and cookies for dinner while we drive. Call Steven and tell him I was there. Hold on a minute. He works a few more minutes, plans with his audit team and we drive to the temple. Discussing life, our kids, work, and he tells me there is another email for about my friend. I scroll through my phone and find she is out of surgery and heading to ICU.
I enjoy my evening in the temple. It filled my soul with peace. We went with friends to a local college hangout afterwards for ice cream cookies. We can see the UCLA medical center as we walk there. I wave. I have been there several times with Lillian. I know it well.
We get home past midnight. Steven wishes me a happy anniversary. I smile as it takes me a minute to register it is our anniversary because it was past midnight and it was now Saturday. I take home our sitter who managed to watch our kids for 10 hours, clean up and do all the dishes. She even found the ones the kids had taken outside to 'cook' with. I smile. I don't stay up late much any more. My alarm clocks tend to go off to the tone of Mom, mommy, ma, mommy at 6:30 am and I still need my 8 hours.
The next morning we are woken up. Lillian. Steven takes her to do some 'shopping for food' her favorite. I sleep more, my favorite. They come home as I have started breakfast. Lillian grinning ear to ear flowers for mommy's wedding. Its our anniversary and he brought home flowers and explained to Lillian about anniversaries. Have a lovely breakfast with the crew and Steven disappears to go to work. We go to the gym I read my book and somewhat exercise. We come home lunch. Steven gets home a few hours later. I nap. He leaves for a meeting. I shower, feed the kids, get ready and the babysitter walks over. She is our next door neighbor. Steven come, home and picks me up. We go out for dinner, then too a church meeting. After we join my dad for his dinner and just order dessert. A lovely day. Better is the news that my friend is doing really well. Memory is all there, she has even taken a step on her own. They move her out of ICU and she ended up coming home Sunday evening. A miracle. Monday I get her kids we play and play and play at my mom's house then at our house. They have had a long weekend of being with relatives and missing their amazing mom. When I turn the corner to take the little one to her house so she could nap at home she exclaims so excited- My mommy house. Makes me smile.
This week I also spent time with my friend from high school she lives in Utah. Her mother was also diagnosed with brain cancer in September, my friend is here with her youngest child to take care of her mother. Her mother is not doing well at all, her tumor was unable to be operated on and has grown like crazy despite treatments. My friend's two older children are in Utah with her husband, sister in law and brother. while she misses them, she knows that her place is with her mother for the next few weeks. All these woman are brave and put other's first. I smile.
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